Diabetes,

Last night I was up in the middle of the night with a low that left me sweating, exhausted and sad. It’s hard to live with you sometimes. But because I have these quiet moments of struggle that no one else sees, I see the world and other people differently. Because of you, I’m more aware that all of us have struggles that are completely invisible. We all have quiet (or loud) internal battles that make us into who we are.

So when I think about you, I don’t see you as separate from me. I just can’t. I know that’s how we’re encouraged to think, but because you’re so relentlessly present, it’s easier for me to see you as part of me. That somehow makes me feel less fragmented and more fully myself. Because the truth is, we’ve very much shaped one another. You’ve taught me empathy, and I’ve created a YouTube channel to spread the word about who you are and what it’s like to live with and within you.

The most meaningful turning point happened when I started talking about you, very publicly. And it happened because I was wearing tech on the backs of my arms that raised questions from people, and suddenly I had a bit of my struggle more publicly manifested on my body. It was confronting, but I also liked it. Not only did it allow me to take ownership of what we are together, but it encouraged other people to speak about their experiences and share their struggles. Or just quietly watch someone else share their experience and let that be a comfort to them.

I just want you to know that I know I am who I am in some large part because of you. But that doesn’t bother me in the slightest, because who I am with you is someone I like. Someone I want to care for and put in the time to live the best life possible with.

And while I can't promise I'll always like living with you, I've learned that I can still love the life we're living.

With Joy, Andrea