Diabetes,
You crept into my life at thirteen years old.
I didn’t know your name yet,
but you raised your tail
Your characteristics made me feel:
weak, lethargic, thirsty, thin and frail.
I was a free soul when you met me,
a child uneducated about you,
Both parents in health professions,
A picture to prove the misconceptions
people held about who you can choose.
First time I recalled you
being spoken between them —
a question,
a possibility,
a diagnosis that might explain-
a sparkle of hope,
an end, no more pain.
My initial response was a secret applause,
relief towards a conclusion,
a reason, a cure.
But I did not know you at all.
I did not know you were a beast
that never sleeps,
never rests,
never leaves and prohibits my peace.
Reality came when the nurse asked
me to do my injection myself -now that alarmed.
What I thought was a momentary medication,
became a series of lifetime calculations.
A mimicking of an organ, my pancreas
That you had taken away.
Some named you manageable
But soon I would see
how much of an unpredictable,
complex companion, you were
reallyyy!
Monitoring twenty-four hours a day,
every day. No vacations.
No time off.
No days without needles
or how much these carbohydrates may equal.
The more I got to know you,
the more I wanted to toss you away;
Anger, denial, alienation were many feelings
next in this pathway.
I didn’t understand you;
I was scared to speak out.
Scared to correct the misinformation that felt so loud.
Surrounded by stigma,
Words untrue,
But I was scared to challenge them
When I barely understood you.
You made me feel vulnerable, different, exhausted, overwhelmed,
A teenager grieving the freedom I feared was expelled.
Desperate for the life and experiences you took,
Awkward and resenting this new world,
every difference, every alienating look.
Somewhere after the anger and pushing through fear,
I started to discover something so clear.
You taught me determination,
you taught me to be brave,
Prioritise my health without apologising or shame.
That everything I dreamed of
was on the other side of fear’s face.
Forcing me to listen and learn myself,
A new strength I could embrace.
With that confidence, I flew to the sky,
Entered the plane and lived my dreams
I once believed were too scary,
too far, too high.
I flew to remote locations-
far from your hospital stations.
I locked eyes and stared down those potential nightmares
We survived.
I would lie if I said it’s been an easy ride,
Robbing me of sleep and reminding me that calculation is not my forte every beep.
That patience and preparation is a must.
If I’m to enjoy my day without that anxious feeling or fuss. I wish you knew how very different you are to me,
Demanding, never shy to impose-
very challenging thing.
You despise a line
and waiting your turn.
But with that you’ve rubbed off on me something to learn;
To speak, ask or make myself heard
How safety should over power polite and be first.
To ask for help from another, and be less stressed about being a bother.
Independence was never the path I chose,
but through meeting my needs, treating my lows,
You gave me this confidence of being okay alone.
As for when I’m in company, you're often there.
That annoying hassle, jumping everywhere.
A feeling of burden I’d have to agree,
Especially when you cause a detour for more than just me.
More impactful though, than any guilt,
is the incredible new friendship’s -because of you I’ve built.
When I walk down the street and see another with tech from my tribe,
there’s an unspoken language, connection and pride.
Meeting you, you were a language unknown,
Now I understand a tongue without words -
from the challenges you’ve shown.
Like the language of kindness translated across cultures
A smile, glance, needle, machine,
A silent “I know” in a disease so unseen.
The unspoken truth of perseverance and adaptability,
Where weakness becomes strength,
And strangers community.
You taught me acceptance,
Kindness too.
That everyone is suffering-
and carrying something we might not know they’re going through.
Overall
I consider myself lucky that I came to know your name.
Lucky for the proper introduction, education,
For learning your patterns, your signs and your games.
I think of those you’ve taken,
whose warning signs went unawaken,
I carry gratitude for the knowledge I’ve been given,
And remember those who’ve experienced different. So, Diabetes,
I will carry you —
but I will not let you carry me.
I will befriend you, despite your teeth
And make peace with you-
a somewhat undeserving beast.
Persevere for myself,
and loved ones close to my heart,
and those without the privilege of hope,
you’ve forced to depart.
I won’t pretend
that I’m grateful for the pain.
But I am grateful for the insight and the strength you’ve forced me to gain