Diabetes,

Please leave me alone. No matter how many times I try to ignore you, you seem to continue clinging to me. You always HAVE to be the center of attention. Just let me be my own person and stop seeping into every aspect of my life. From sleeping to waking up in the morning, and even going to the bathroom, you are there. It's honestly kind of creepy. You're like a bully who won't take a hint that I don't want you around. Real original. Sorry to break it to you, but you don't brighten any room you walk into.

My one piece of advice would be to try to get a hold of your emotions because you tend to fluctuate a bit too much, and it's confusing. When I was first diagnosed with you, I thought I was a goner. Seriously, your name starts with “Die.” That should have been the first red flag.

But jokes aside, I was only seven. I could barely read chapter books, and you practically forced a 24/7 job onto me. I wasn't ready. I didn't ask for that responsibility, and yet I had no choice in the matter. I was only a kid. I wanted to act like a kid, but I couldn't because suddenly, my life depended on shots, insulin, insets, and constant monitoring.

Key word: I felt dependent, like suddenly my decisions weren't my own. They were yours.

I remember in 5th grade having to sit out at recess because I was so lightheaded and shaky from a low glucose level that I couldn't even stand. At that moment, I thought to myself, “Is this what my entire life is going to be like now?” Constant highs and lows, over and over again, because of you. You probably thought you could break me down, huh?

Lucky for me, I had an amazing support system growing up. Especially my mom. She practically fought against you as hard as I did, trying to outsmart your mischievous mind. My whole family really stepped up and made sure I was okay. I can't begin to explain how grateful I am for my friends and family. You took a big toll on me, but I had a team on my side, and you couldn't take that away from me.

Outside my support circle, I was on my own. Sometimes, you really made me feel so alone, out of place, and helpless. One thing that always bothered me was how you never showed yourself for others to see. You only showed yourself around me. How was I supposed to rely on others if no one could even see or touch you? Half the time, I'm pretty sure some people thought I was being delusional. I had to deal with your effects while others assumed I was okay.

I don't think you know me as well as you think you do because, trust me, we aren't friends. More like annoying coexisting roommates. But that's beside the point. I am a hard worker and very goal-oriented. I thought about giving up, but I wasn't about to let you ever decide that for me. I had milestones and goals I wanted to achieve. I wanted to get A's on my report card, make friends at school, go to prom, get my license, graduate, get a degree, and even go D1. How was I going to do all of that with you consuming so much of my time?

It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that you were always going to be a part of me, but you didn't define who I was. You weren't my identity. Now, looking back 15 years later, with you still a part of my life, I've realized just how much you taught me. Don't get an ego from this because it wasn't exactly enjoyable, but I never realized how strong I was. I had a choice: give up or find a new path to the achievements I wanted. It was as simple as that, and I chose to keep going.

Strength in my journey of managing you meant consistency. Even when you made me feel so bad that I couldn't even get out of bed, I chose to get up because I had bigger plans than you. You can be a lazy bum on the couch, but trust me, I was determined to go places. I'm so proud of how far I've come despite you. More than anything, I'm proud of how much you made me advocate for myself. I used to be so ashamed of you, but now I want everyone to know about you so we can work toward managing you and overcoming the challenges you bring together. Diabetes, you don't define me, and you never will.